One big thing I'm asking myself lately is "What is my vision?" What am I here for?
Since being here in this city and in my current job, one thing ive been trying to figure out is what my purpose is. When I first set foot in this country as a student I was so proud that I wasn't here as a missionary. When I first set foot here as a graduate, I was so proud that I wasn't teaching English. Some people call it Karma, God, life's humor... whatever it was I was humbled. Because today I find myself doing both.
But my "vision" what is that? Someone said that we find our calling when the Worlds greatest need alignes with our greatest passion. uhh.. something like that
A month or so ago, my church was doing a live recording in order to test out a new sound system. In order to make sure we knew what we were looking for, we had a sound guy come in from Osaka, Lifehouse. We were blessed with his staying at our place for the night.
While he was here somehow the conversation got around to what we were doing in Japan and how our calling in life related to our Jobs. He told me about the schools he works at and teaches English in... and about the dream he had before ever coming to Japan. I don't remember it all, but then it something about his dream or his vision triggered a memory.
Before I ever even set foot in Japan 4 years ago, I had one dream I do remember clearly. Though words cannot describe it, Ill try my best.
Here it is:
It was a bright and sunny morning, not a cloud in the sky. Walking over soft, unpaved ground, I found myself amidst many large tents. Not flimsy camping tents, but the kind of tents that had metal supports and everything was draped in that Red and White stripe pattern. It was just like the morning of any Japanese festival when everyone is setting up to get ready. I had no idea where I was, but i found myself being guided by two small children, one at each hand. I could see bright colors, balloons, and people smiling. In the background I could hear nothing but sounds of laughing, playing and children's songs.
This is the exact Red n White pattern I saw in my dream before ever setting foot in a Japanese school or festival.
The ground at this school is the same exact ground I walked on. This was before knowing that most school yards or play areas in parks in Japan don't have grass.
I woke up and forgot about that dream up until now. I never knew it had any meaning until I looked at my current job and all the things ive been learning recently through God's word. As I said, I was so prideful that I didn't come here as an English teacher and I had no interest in missions. But the very thing im doing now is missions and teaching English. I had this dream way before I ever went to a Japanese festival, knew what the colors were, spoke Japanese or even realized I liked kids!
So with these pieces to the puzzle I can't clearly say what my calling is or how I will achieve what I want to see, but I can see my vision as its developing.
I work with kids and teach them games in English, but my real purpose isnt to teach them another language. Im here to see these kids become great adults who will become future leaders.
The thing I desire the most as I see these kids grow is that I want them to grow up in good homes. But the reality is many of them come from broken homes. Ive developed a sense at being able to spot which kids either don't have a mom or dad to look up to. I can see the things that these kids do for attention, even if its bad attention.
My desire is to see broken families and lives restored. I want to see people healed and children smiling. Much of that will start with the ones in charge of the family.. but I am asking God to give me a way so I can do something. Although Japanese people are a very polite and amazing people there is a facade most people who dont live here cant see. There is alot of brokenness here, but at the same time there is a cry for hope. Most people want to be happy and live a fulfilling life. Waking up dragging life, thinking about suicide should not be a normal thing. Looking forward to what each day brings should be.
Gah.. its too late for me to be writing. Oyasumi!
