Its a mixture of sadness, excitement and a whole lot of anxiousness thinking about how not to lose my Japanese. The day I left Oita was indeed a sad day. Holding back and hiding my emotions just wasn't possible.. On the bus ride to the airport I listened to some Japanese music on my headphones while quietly going back and forth between being still or hiding my face while crying. While I was sad to go, i was still glad it all happened. I spent a few days with Kentaro in Yokohama before coming back. It was a great way to cut down the shock from leaving Oita. As said before, it would've been too much for me to handle if it was all at once. I didn't wanna be that guy on the plane, riding in the middle seat and crying for 12 hours. Even though I wasn't, didn't mean I wasn't sad.
As for being back... I realized I was in America once I got to the immigration line. It was almost an interrogation with that lady's tone of voice. Blah blah.. "What were you doing in Japan?" with a suspicious tone. "What did you study?" "Exactly how long did you stay?"... "What are you doing with $3ooo worth of stuff on you?" Uhh .... well, "I have my laptop with me and two check ins that have clothes and some random stuff." Ok "welcome back to America".. not so enthusiastic tone. I also realized I was back when I saw someone pouring out a can of soda onto the ground in some parking lot. "Yep, im in America."
As sad as I am, i realize I do have alot to look forward too. I finally got to eat real pizza when I got back. It was AMAZING! Now I have tacos and burritos to look forward to also. And just this morning, even though im back in Sac at my dad's place (the place where I feel most stagnant and will never move back to) I was really happy to go to the grocery store. After 11 months of small food portions plus having to always buy fruit in season, im finally back in the land of huge gallons of milk and juice, real bacon, flour tortillas, bagels that don't cost a fortune and mangos that are 57cents... not 3,000円 ($34). Yes, i'm back but, theres still work to be done. If theres one thing I learned from the last year it is to keep moving forward. I hope I can really take that to heard. In a few more days Ill be back in San Diego, where the real challenge starts. Im going to find a way back to Japan no matter what.
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